Sleeping alone is normal for single people.  You get used to it but sometimes (this is if you've slept next to someone you're romantically involved with) miss that feeling.  It's not always the physical sense of feeling someone near to you.  You miss that comfort of knowing someone is there with you. I have to admit that at times I miss it.  I've always felt that if you can feel that way when someone is laying in bed with you that there are certain things that you know about that person. Maybe you're just like "why would I miss someone snoring/stealing the blanket/talking in their sleep?" I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about the serious stuff. The sense you get when someone is in close proximity...your breathing changes...you're relaxed...you know that this person means something to you (at least in that moment). After a while, the feeling may fade away but it's something I think about sometimes when I'm in the dark. Being alone in the dark makes me think a lot...about that.

...it sucks not knowing what you're doing when it comes to other people. 

I always feel like I'm in a state of constant confusion.  Why can't everything just be spelled out for me so I don't feel like an idiot loser?  Somtimes I just want to end the confusion and have some of my questions answered to the very last detail.  Life is never that easy though.  If it was, I'd definitely be at ease.  I feel like my head is spinning and my insides are emptied out in front of me.  I can't believe that this has to be the inspiration for my latest blog. It seems like this blog and my feelings are interconnected. I can't have a single moment that requires me to spill my feelings out without coming on here to share. The funny part, I can't even share my feelings with the person I should be telling this stuff to.

I get so frustrated at times and we all know what happens...I give up. Maybe I am an idiot loser. Or maybe it's not just me? I hope it's not just me.  I'm pretty sure if I had some slight indication of what other people thought that I would feel assured and confident about the feelings I do have.  I wouldn't be so scared all the time. I wouldn't think that what I feel would be an inconvenience. I don't want to impose my feelings on other people. A friend of mine told me that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I did because then I'd know where I stand. Maybe she's right. (I should probably tell her "Thank you" a thousand times because she's always telling me to do the right thing whether I like to admit it or not.)

So yeah...I'm going to be pensive now...

I've been getting those e-mails telling me that Xanga misses me...

A lot has happened since my last time. I've made a few good new friends. I've been working. I've been doing things that I wouldn't normally do.

It's all good though.  I honestly have no issues at the moment.  I'm just content.  There's nothing wrong at all with that.  Some people get bored with being content.  How can you not be satisfied when you're content?  Satisfaction is measured differently for everyone, I guess. I think it's a little easier for me than most but that's just my simple nature.

I'm sitting on my bed and I do not want to leave.  It's just so hard to get that time to myself.  I enjoy it.

I noticed that I haven't really talked about my feelings in a while so I'll save that for the next post when I speak my code language and make references to people with dumb nicknames.  For now, I just wanted to let you know that I am alive and well.

Have a good weekend!